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A Guide to
FED-SPEAK
By Whatsits Galore
The Greatest American Hero

If you remember the cult classic tv series The Greatest American Hero, you know that Ralph Hinkley got the super suit and all the powers that go with it, making him an effective, though unlikely super-hero. But his friend and partner FBI Agent Bill Maxwell has to fight crime the old-fashioned way. Though a mere powerless mortal, Bill has an undeniable style. His unique manner of speaking almost qualifies as a foreign language, and can be as difficult to master. For those of you who desire to learn to talk like a G-Man, Whatsits Galore presents this comprehensive guide to Fed-Speak.

hero

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A M
attic brain make a whole chicken omelet out of that make a big deal out of that
B make a whole tall-in-the-saddle chicken omelet out of it make a bigger deal out of it
back to basic training you lose make like Willie the Wrench act like a mechanic
bag arrest making nicey on dating
bag it catch it meat perpetrator
bag o' gristle creep meat grinders hired gunsels
banana case lunatic monkey henchman
banana-benders delinquents N
barf up reveal no cigar I don't believe it
beach ball punk noodle it discuss it
beezer head O
belly-up time death on scramble underway
bends my frame bothers me on the back deck on the car trunk
big ones years on tumble-dry in an uproar
Big Red Mean Machine Communism over the Great Divide death
bing, bang, boom quickly over the line unendurable
bird dog informant over the side insane
blinker blindfold P
blues police package credentials
bonehead work brain work paint by the numbers standard operating procedure
bowling ball bald man paw hand
bring the crane help me up piling up crashing
buckled into it adept popped his clutch went crazy
bug bin insane asylum porker fat person
burned you discovered your secret cover prime your pumps get your attention
button it up be quiet pull his chain arrest him
button these guys up arrest them pull out leave
C pull the wheels up stop for the night
cash my check fire me pump heart
checked in his tent gave up punch a hole in his bucket and drop his worms out stop his operation
check-in time at the funny farm insane punch a hole in my ticket kill me
chug around the track go to work punch up your dimmer try to understand
clean his windshield shut him up put a dimmer on it stop it
cockroach lowlife put it in the old footlocker put it aside
come out of the chute a little fast begin too soon Q
come to the party pay attention R
coming out of chute #3 let's go ram a crooked stick in...and turn it stir things up
councillor lawyer rammin' around wandering
crank coffee read understand
cup of spumoni lunatic real yuck-o boring
D roast our marshmallows burn us
dance around the edge of the pool skirt the issue roast this turkey arrest this jerk
dance around the edge of the pool skirt the issue roll right over do as I say instantly
deep-fry your hamburgers kill you rubdown from the team doctor a pep-talk
dinky donkey loser rum-dum a jerk
doesn't scan doesn't make sense run it past the scanner consider the possibilities
doing the Maxwell sizzle uncomfortably hot run it under the scanner check it out
double dynamite vitally important running thin on a tight schedule
drain his radiator arrest him S
drill plan sandbox desert
drop a full court press on you intimidate you Saturday morning kiddie program fantasy
drop a house on him beat him up, or stop him sawdust in the attic loss of memory
drop him in a deep drift take him down scenario a plan
drop the hammer shut it down scotch it put a stop to it
E seesaw time time to repay the favor
F shipped off to count their toes sent to the asylum
falling through space failed sitting on top of the ashcan teaching remedial students
fall off the reality wagon lose one's mind skipped the track became distracted
feed him marshmallows deceive him with lies skunge repulsive person
feed you to my cat bring you serious consequences slam dunk return
fire-breathing serious sled non-sporty car
flamingo flaky person slide off the table loose one's mind
flip-top a jerk slipping outside your assigned airspace getting off the track
floating around in this fruit salad floundering soft in the bean dumb
foam-the-runway operation fiasco soft walls psych ward
footlocker closet soldiers agents
freeze it be quiet spike him on the concrete stop him
front deck car hood squeaky-clean correctly done
frost your pipes burst your bubble state laughing academy lunatic asylum
fry our zucchini burn us stay easy relax
fuzzballs scum steaming one's own clams very angry
G step into my office let's speak privately
game stats personal information stick a plug in the gas bag shut up
garby-gorps lowlifes (he) stinks (he's) dishonest
geezer freezer retirement, or your gut stir up some dust get someone's attention
get frosty toughen up stuff him and mount him over the fireplace stop him
getting my switchboard all lit up piquing my interest sweep out our own tent solve our own problems
give the pigskin give the most important role T
glory guy he who gets the choice role take a ride on a banana boat do something crazy
go belly up quit that goes in our library remember that
got all your bats in the same bellfry sane through-hole wound in which the bullet passes cleanly through the body
go tapioca lose your nerve tie a knot in their tail put a crimp in their operation
go through the ringer get beat up tilt stop
got some wires burning got something underhanded going on tipped him the black spot put out a contract on him
graduate of the laughing academy lunatic tipped your mitt revealed a secret
grounded out there's nothing we can do toasted tootsies severely reprimanded
ground zero the beginning took a little gas was injured slightly
H touch-and-go a short flight
have a story conference with interrogate traveling in the fast lane heading for a breakdown
high on the yuk meter laughable treading water wandering aimlessly
home stretch finale troops agents
howl a great time twenty-five-cent run-of-the-mill
hummer a good pitch (in baseball) twisted angry
I U
in the bag arrested unscramble his eggs restore his memory
in the basket in custody up my tree pursuing me
in white water in danger V
J W
jammin' down trying too hard watchdog undercover agent sent to guard you
jumped up my tree got on my case whackie-smackie hit somebody
K what's the buff? what's the story?
L wind blowing through your attic you're crazy
ladyfingers thumb cuffs wind machine blowhard
let's hit the yellow brick road let's go wing arm
let's run the tape explain it to me wipe his nose beat him up
little green guys alien beings wrong number failed romance
looking down the gun barrel in serious trouble X
looking for a little radioactivity seeking a clue Y
lost your steering wheel gone crazy yammering complaining
yesterday's lunch a has-been
yin-yangs losers
you can't make that fly that won't work
yuk loser
yum-yum dumb thug
Z
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All Greatest American Hero content © Stephen J. Cannel Productions and are used for fan purposes only
All other content © 2011-2024 Whatsits Galore

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