If you remember the cult classic tv series The Greatest American Hero, you know that Ralph Hinkley got the super suit and all the powers that go with it, making him an effective, though unlikely super-hero. But his friend and partner FBI Agent Bill Maxwell has to fight crime the old-fashioned way. Though a mere powerless mortal, Bill has an undeniable style. His unique manner of speaking almost qualifies as a foreign language, and can be as difficult to master. For those of you who desire to learn to talk like a G-Man, Whatsits Galore presents this comprehensive guide to Fed-Speak.

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A M attic brain make a whole chicken omelet out of that make a big deal out of that B make a whole tall-in-the-saddle chicken omelet out of it make a bigger deal out of it back to basic training you lose make like Willie the Wrench act like a mechanic bag arrest making nicey on dating bag it catch it meat perpetrator bag o' gristle creep meat grinders hired gunsels banana case lunatic monkey henchman banana-benders delinquents N barf up reveal no cigar I don't believe it beach ball punk noodle it discuss it beezer head O belly-up time death on scramble underway bends my frame bothers me on the back deck on the car trunk big ones years on tumble-dry in an uproar Big Red Mean Machine Communism over the Great Divide death bing, bang, boom quickly over the line unendurable bird dog informant over the side insane blinker blindfold P blues police package credentials bonehead work brain work paint by the numbers standard operating procedure bowling ball bald man paw hand bring the crane help me up piling up crashing buckled into it adept popped his clutch went crazy bug bin insane asylum porker fat person burned you discovered your secret cover prime your pumps get your attention button it up be quiet pull his chain arrest him button these guys up arrest them pull out leave C pull the wheels up stop for the night cash my check fire me pump heart checked in his tent gave up punch a hole in his bucket and drop his worms out stop his operation check-in time at the funny farm insane punch a hole in my ticket kill me chug around the track go to work punch up your dimmer try to understand clean his windshield shut him up put a dimmer on it stop it cockroach lowlife put it in the old footlocker put it aside come out of the chute a little fast begin too soon Q come to the party pay attention R coming out of chute #3 let's go ram a crooked stick in...and turn it stir things up councillor lawyer rammin' around wandering crank coffee read understand cup of spumoni lunatic real yuck-o boring D roast our marshmallows burn us dance around the edge of the pool skirt the issue roast this turkey arrest this jerk dance around the edge of the pool skirt the issue roll right over do as I say instantly deep-fry your hamburgers kill you rubdown from the team doctor a pep-talk dinky donkey loser rum-dum a jerk doesn't scan doesn't make sense run it past the scanner consider the possibilities doing the Maxwell sizzle uncomfortably hot run it under the scanner check it out double dynamite vitally important running thin on a tight schedule drain his radiator arrest him S drill plan sandbox desert drop a full court press on you intimidate you Saturday morning kiddie program fantasy drop a house on him beat him up, or stop him sawdust in the attic loss of memory drop him in a deep drift take him down scenario a plan drop the hammer shut it down scotch it put a stop to it E seesaw time time to repay the favor F shipped off to count their toes sent to the asylum falling through space failed sitting on top of the ashcan teaching remedial students fall off the reality wagon lose one's mind skipped the track became distracted feed him marshmallows deceive him with lies skunge repulsive person feed you to my cat bring you serious consequences slam dunk return fire-breathing serious sled non-sporty car flamingo flaky person slide off the table loose one's mind flip-top a jerk slipping outside your assigned airspace getting off the track floating around in this fruit salad floundering soft in the bean dumb foam-the-runway operation fiasco soft walls psych ward footlocker closet soldiers agents freeze it be quiet spike him on the concrete stop him front deck car hood squeaky-clean correctly done frost your pipes burst your bubble state laughing academy lunatic asylum fry our zucchini burn us stay easy relax fuzzballs scum steaming one's own clams very angry G step into my office let's speak privately game stats personal information stick a plug in the gas bag shut up garby-gorps lowlifes (he) stinks (he's) dishonest geezer freezer retirement, or your gut stir up some dust get someone's attention get frosty toughen up stuff him and mount him over the fireplace stop him getting my switchboard all lit up piquing my interest sweep out our own tent solve our own problems give the pigskin give the most important role T glory guy he who gets the choice role take a ride on a banana boat do something crazy go belly up quit that goes in our library remember that got all your bats in the same bellfry sane through-hole wound in which the bullet passes cleanly through the body go tapioca lose your nerve tie a knot in their tail put a crimp in their operation go through the ringer get beat up tilt stop got some wires burning got something underhanded going on tipped him the black spot put out a contract on him graduate of the laughing academy lunatic tipped your mitt revealed a secret grounded out there's nothing we can do toasted tootsies severely reprimanded ground zero the beginning took a little gas was injured slightly H touch-and-go a short flight have a story conference with interrogate traveling in the fast lane heading for a breakdown high on the yuk meter laughable treading water wandering aimlessly home stretch finale troops agents howl a great time twenty-five-cent run-of-the-mill hummer a good pitch (in baseball) twisted angry I U in the bag arrested unscramble his eggs restore his memory in the basket in custody up my tree pursuing me in white water in danger V J W jammin' down trying too hard watchdog undercover agent sent to guard you jumped up my tree got on my case whackie-smackie hit somebody K what's the buff? what's the story? L wind blowing through your attic you're crazy ladyfingers thumb cuffs wind machine blowhard let's hit the yellow brick road let's go wing arm let's run the tape explain it to me wipe his nose beat him up little green guys alien beings wrong number failed romance looking down the gun barrel in serious trouble X looking for a little radioactivity seeking a clue Y lost your steering wheel gone crazy yammering complaining yesterday's lunch a has-been yin-yangs losers you can't make that fly that won't work yuk loser yum-yum dumb thug Z

All Greatest American Hero content © Stephen J. Cannel Productions and are used for fan purposes only
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