I am the thing that goes "bump" in the night.

I am the neuroses that requires a $500-an-hour shrink.

I am the jailer who throws away the key.

I am the surprise in your cereal box.

I am the chill that runs up your spine.

I am the termite that devours your floorboards.

I am the moth that seeks your porch light.

I am the flea you cannot flick.

I am the combination lock on the vault of justice.

I am the icky bug that crawls up your trouser leg.

I am the pin that will burst your bubble.

I am the spider who nips at your neck.

I am the little mouse that eats your cheese.

I am the cloud that rains on your hit parade.

I am the toddler that naps in the night.

I am the clipper that trims your hedges.

I am the repairman who tells you your warranty has run out.

I am the butter that burns in your pan.

I am the hair in the lens of your projector.

I am the scourge that...um...pecks at your nightmares...and...

I am the pustulent blister that bursts in your boot.

I am the metal key on the sardine can of justice.

I am the $10 service charge on all returned checks.

I am the kettle that whistles in the night.

I am the little teacup with the teeny-weeny hole in the handle that you can never quite get your finger in.

I am the ingrown toenail on the foot of crime.

I am the zit that forms when you've got a really big date.

I am the impacted wisdom tooth...

I am the single career man all women want to date.

I am the self-centered boob who hands over the city at the drop of a dime.

I am the current of vengance gurgling through your sewer.

I am the itch in your trigger finger.

I am the squashed bug on your flying saucer windshield.

I am the paper cut that ruins your morning.

I am the rhinestones on the jumpsuit of justice.

I am the stain that can't be rubbed out.

I am the #90 sunblock that will stop your burn.

I am the bubblegum that clings to your shoe.

I am the wrong number that wakes you at 3 A.M.

I am the weird-o who sits next to you on the bus.

I am the slug that crawls...

I am the check-writer in the "cash only" line.

I am the quality time that ruins your playtime.

I am the hero that every culture in every world needs.

I am the blown fuse that blacks you out.

I am the cholesterol that clogs your arteries.

I am the parking meter that expires while you shop.

I am the soap scum that lines your bathtub.

I am the hairball that cogs your drain.

I am the mishapen(ed) blotch that stains your wallls.

I am the ham-radio operator who scrambles your reception.

I am the terror that unwraps in the night.

I am the low rating that cancels your program.

I am the auditor who wants to look at your books.

I am the ingrown toenail in your party pumps.

I am the weed whacker in the garden of evil.

I am the shrewd terror that outsmarts you in the night.

I am the lollipop that sticks in your hair.

I am the ghost of a chance that you don't have.

I am the feathery phantom that haunts your nightmares.

I am the pitbull that bites the ankle of crime.

I am the scrubbing bubble to criminal scum.

I am the muddy shoes that track the linoleum of crime.

I am the batteries that are not included.

I am the principal you are sent to see.

LXVIII I make the rules.

LXIX Just do it!

LXX Cheaters never prosper.

LXXI Put the past behind you.

LXXII Outwit, outfight, outlast.

LXXIII A hero is more than a sandwich.

LXXIV Don't barge in without thinking.

LXXV Don't stop for applause.

LXXVI The difference between a champ and a chump is "u."

LXXVII Never say never.

LXXVIII Pressure makes diamonds.

LXXIX There's always a bigger fish.

LXXX Never take your eyes off your opponent.

LXXXI A hero never forgets his public.

LXXXII You gotta stay focused.

LXXXIII It's not about the trophies.

LXXXIV You can't be a hero on an empty stomach.

LXXXV Giving up is for rookies.

LXXXVI The harder to get, the better to have.

LXXXVII Never let 'em see you sweat.

LXXXVIII Keep pushing that envelope.

LXXXIX Heroes are made, not born.

XC Nice guys finish last.

XCI No guts, no glory.

XCII The three most important elements are training, training, and training.

XCIII Stop, look, and listen.

XCIV When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

XCV Concentrate!

XCVI Aim!

XCVII A hero is just a regular guy with the right coach.

XCVIII Be fast or be last.

The following metaphors were used when DW tried to change his image:

I am the gold at the end of the rainbow.

I am the truth.

I am the super-nova at the center of the universe.

This one is from his Darkwarrior Duck persona:

I am the jackal that knaws at your bones.

And here are a few from Launchpad:

I am the error that flaps in the night.

I am the surcharge that triples your bill.

I am the snail that wastes all your leaves.

I am the tenor that sings in the night.

I am the road salt that rots the underside of your car.

Plus one from the Friendly Four, the Negaverse-version of the Fearsome Four:

We are the soap that's cleaning up this town.

And one more from the scourge of the seven seas Darkwing Doubloon:

I am the flea on your parrot.

Finally, we have one from the Darkwing Squad:

We ar ethe beaters that scramble your Eggmen.